So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need a beard to bite.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
