11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Randomize
