yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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