Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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