we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
