i already hear my dad disowning me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
