i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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