what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
