I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
