she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
