oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
