got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
