i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
