There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
