great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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