Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
