i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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