Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
