I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
false alarm. still invincible.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
