Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
