My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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