there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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