Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
