I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
