There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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