he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
