Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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