Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
