New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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