JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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