Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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