I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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