i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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