I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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