You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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