Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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