So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
