she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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