I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
