Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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