just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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