Define "chronic" masturbator.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
