so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
