I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
