I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
