I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
