i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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