we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
