Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
