It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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