garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
