Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
