then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
