Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
