I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
