he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize