Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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