Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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