Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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