Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
