i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
