it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
