I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
