What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
