Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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