Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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