I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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