you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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